The dawn of the new year is upon us, a time for change, reflection & mistletoe based affection. Here at hold the relish we look back on a year of top shelf nawtyness and we offer a wholesome thank you and congratulations to all the daftys that have joined us. We live in a world with a lot of uncertainty in the water and we feel it's our duty to guide you through the rough times ahead.... So head to the dance, stretch those muscles, as its a new year and time for a new you.
On January 1st we'll be providing an 18hr fitness, wellbeing and cleansing session.....
On the day we will have a host of guest speakers headed up by Elon Musk discussing the medicinal benefits of fossil fuel grown cannabis peddling his own aftershave brand eut d'elon parfam on top of releasing new evidence from spaceX that men may well be from Mars and women are most certainly from Venus. Elon will be followed by sporting legend and relish favourite Lance Armstrong discussing the perfect work life balance in 2019. Our final speaker is pop royalty Shaggy leading reflective yoga and meditation sessions as it turns out it actually was him.
Any transition to a better you requires a better diet, and northern legend Johnny Vegas has been trialing and is keen to share the new revolutionary culinary fad -- The Relish diet.
The Relish diet consists of pickled onion monster munch, pork pies and of course Gary's all available at any good local boozer (starter packs available at the venue) monthly home delivered diet packs available through enquiry at [email protected]. Like all balanced diets its most effective when paired with a solid exercise regime, timed perfectly with the Xmas release of Danielle Westbrook's new workout video; sniff, sniff -- bang, bang!
We have also recently confirmed pro cyclist "the moon" from hit tv series the mighty boosh, giving exfoliation & beauty tips that are quite simply out of this world.
Catering on the day: McKyles hot dawgs
Visuals: Worldwide Wensleydale
Dress code: Rural Chav
Paper Tickets available through Tribe Records & Outlaws Yacht Club
Online tickets through RA
Handful of tickets on the door
£5/£8/£10/£12
No Nobheads
HTR
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